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It only really happens after I Mend.” The Noble thought for a moment, then went on, his eyes and hands working along her back. “It’s like becoming a beast of some kind. That’s the closest thing I can liken it to. Everything becomes instinct. Reflex. I lose all sense of conscious thought. Most of my emotions are gone. Well, not gone but… simplified. All I do is feel, and all I feel is basic, primal emotions and motivations. Pain. Pleasure. Instinctive drives to be safe and dry and warm and fed. I don’t think about things. I just act. I lose all concept of society, of other people’s feelings, of the consequences of right or wrong. I am, and I do. It’s simple. It’s easy. And it’s disastrous. I am capable of things, when I am in that place…” “Tell me,” she said softly, after he’d fallen silent for some time. Rael shrugged. Silmaria sensed he was dredging bits and scraps of memories from someplace long tucked away. “I could easily murder someone, when in that primal and unthinking state,. She was shy with me. We ended up on her brown leather sectional watching a movie called “Boys Don’t Cry” about a girl with some mental illness that made her want to be a boy. The ending credits had come and gone and I was still crying. I mean, I was doing that kinda cry where you get the hiccups. “Is that the life of a lesbian?” I asked Nikki. She explained to me that the girl was not a lesbian, she was Transgendered, and that lesbians didn’t want to be a man, they just wanted to Love women like a man does, like everyone thinks a man is supposed to do.It was well past midnight and I knew it was time for me to go on home. I stood, arms outstretched to give my new friend a hug. She told me she refused to let me go home that time of the night and that I could stay in her guest room. I was pretty beat so I agreed.I laid in the bed awake for about an hour pressing my thighs together, trying to subdue the thoughts of desire that my womanhood was expressing for me.I heard the shower.
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